I don’t know where to begin with this. This entry is about Clara, my neurotypical child. I am trying to decide whether or not to end contact with my father and his wife. I’ve decided to write about it and hear/read what others have to say. I’m going to try and keep it short, but the entire story is so long and just screwed up that it may go on a bit.
My father has 2 honorary grandchildren, I’ll call them Lori and Zack. Their grandparents passed away many years ago and the one grandmother they do have lives far away. My father and his wife were asked to be Lori and Zack’s grandparents. Their mother was a very close friend of mine a long time ago. This is not the problem. I wish it ended there and we lived in a happy world together, but we don’t.
Without getting too far into the past, I will just talk about what is happening with Clara and her visits to my father’s. I should mention that my dad and his wife do not offer to take Ruby out ever. Ruby makes my dad uncomfortable because she is always naked at home. Ruby’s 6 remember. I can understand that they don’t know how to interact with Ruby, but they were offered by our team of therapists to have one on one learning sessions to learn how to play with Ruby and communicate with Ruby. My dad said he would only do this if my mother did as well. So, it hasn’t happened and they’ve never brought it up again. They only pick up Clara and that happens once every 2 or 3 weeks.
Yesterday, I brought Clara over to their place. While I was there my dad told me that he sees Zack a lot and can see a huge difference between Zack and Clara. He said ‘you wouldn’t believe the stuff that comes out of his mouth.’ I told him that Clara is a very smart kid as well and others have commented on this. He said that Zack is more independent and knows how to do so much more. He also said he thinks it’s because Zack has an older sister to teach him things and Clara doesn’t. He also said that I probably baby Clara more because she’s like my first child. Actually, Ruby is my first child, but my dad doesn’t see Ruby as human.
Anyway, I agreed that I probably do baby Clara a bit more than others because Clara has a lot more to deal with in life than Zack does. Clara doesn’t get to go out very much because we can’t take Ruby to many places. So, she’s home a lot. It took her a little longer than some kids to be social, but she’s only 3.5 and is now playing with other kids. I have seen kids who are 3 and still in cribs and eating in high chairs. My dad is comparing Clara to one kid he sees on a regular basis. The women at the gym daycare have commented on how smart Clara is and they see a lot of kids everyday.
This isn’t the only time he’s said negative things about Clara. Since moving back to my hometown he’s asked me why Clara is always so pale. Another time he told me that he doesn’t think Clara is growing properly. He’s said several times that he’s never seen any kid do certain things that Clara does. The list goes on. He has never said anything positive about Clara. It’s always what she can’t do. Clara is about as neuro typical as they come.
I know when I’m not there, he is probably making comments to Clara about what she doesn’t or can’t do. I don’t want this negativity affecting her. I don’t want him to bring her self esteem down the way he brought mine down for my entire life. Clara is too young to notice right now. But, she is a smart kid and it won’t take long before she gets hurt by something he says to her.
So, I’m asking for advice from anyone who reads this blog. Is it time to cut these people from our lives? Would it be wrong to deny Clara her grandfather?
I’m adding a video of Clara from a year ago. She was 2.5 at the time this video was taken. She is 3.5 now. You can see how well she spoke at that age and how smart she was.
Thanks for reading 
